My friend, David Lyons wrotea book with his sister, Linda Lyons Richardson entitled Don’t Waste the Pain. In the book they discuss somevery difficult issues as they deal with cancer, loss and death of a child. Ihave been reading this awesome book and have been encouraged as the authorsshare honestly and deeply the pain they have experienced. This bookis about finding strength and hope while mourning.

Tough questions areaddressed, some answered, some not. Both David and Linda kept journals duringtheir mourning and have willingly and openly revealed their hearts to readersin their book. They talked about how, in the Lord, they were finding strengthand hope while mourning. They sought God for the answers to their questions.Again, some were answered, some were not.

David had on his heart tobegin a new ministry to help others who were suffering with loss. He desired topass on what he learned about loss and suffering so that others could growthrough their pain and closer to God. This ministry was launched September 15,2010 on the internet as http://DontWasteThePain.com.Many folks just like you have visited the website. They are sharing theirstories and are finding strength and hope in the midst of their mourning.Please feel free to join in the conversation online at Don’t Waste the Pain. Ibelieve you will be encouraged and uplifted as you read the articles and blogs.Make comments, start a conversation or submit your own story so you canexperience healing and be a helpto others as they struggle with their pain.

Myencouragement to you is to delight yourself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4), love himwith your whole heart (Deuteronomy 6:5), rejoice with those who rejoice andmourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15).

Each of the five stages of grief is important and needed for healing and overcoming loss. I have some tips to share with you for helping a friend heal after the death of a loved one. Listen, observe and look for the good in it.

Your friend may be in the denial or anger stage of grief and your listening to him will allow him to heal. He may not acknowledge the loss, may speak of his loved one as if she is still alive. Helping your friend heal after the death of his loved one means allowing him to vent, verbalize and share his feelings, even though they may seem outlandish to you.

If you notice your friend withdrawing, expressing feelings of hopelessness, numbness or self pity; these are all signs of depression that need to be dealt with. It’s part of the healing process and you can help your friend heal after the death of a loved one by listening to him. If he seems to be out of control, excessively depressed or even suicidal, encourage him to seek professional help.

Accepting loss is not the same as bearing with it. You can help your friend heal after the death of a loved one by focusing on reality. Encourage your friend to reminisce and look for the good times he had with her or the qualities he really loved about her. Point him to God and try to find blessings in the midst of the pain.

A great book I have found to be very helpful in helping a friend of mine heal after loss is Don’t Waste the Painby David Lyons and Linda Lyons Richardson. David and Linda share from their journals how they have dealt with cancer and the death of a loved one.  It’s an easy, encouraging read and I highly recommend it.

Questions, sadness, anger, isolation…these can inflict children who have experienced loss of any kind. Loss of parent from divorce or death, a pet’s death, losing a favorite toy. Loving and helping a child overcome grief and loss can be very tricky, especially if you are also grieving.

Depending on the age of the child and their ability to understand, explain what ‘grieving’ means. They are frightened by their emotions, by your emotions and by others’ emotions. They need to understand that what they are feeling is OK. They need to be able to express their feelings appropriately and they need adults to listen to them. 

One of the best ways to help a child overcome grief and loss is to allow them to talk about the person who died. Let them ask questions about him. They want to know why he died and where he is now. What he was like as a little boy. Be patient as they sort through their questions and ask more; it’s part of the healing process for them.

Words don’t come as easily to children as to adults, so it may take more creative forms in order to draw them out. A couple suggestions I came across to help a child express his feelings include drawing and dramatic play. They may not be able to talk about their loved one, but they can draw a picture of him. They can pretend to be Grandpa, or Daddy and in so doing, you have an opportunity to help your child overcome grief and loss in his life. You can ask about what they drew and suggest that they may feel sad or angry. 

Helping your child overcome grief and loss takes time, patience and a lot of communicating. Let them talk, listen to them, draw out their feelings and encourage creative means to express their emotions.

One of my absolute favorite things to do is encourage people with God’s word. I was praying with a new friend who had just ended her marriage. As I prayed, God gave me bible verses for her healing after the divorce. At first, I was questioning God about those verses because he had just given them to me. He reassured me that while they were for me, they were also for her. OK.

When you go through a divorce, you can’t help but feel rejected, displaced and really struggle with your identity for a while. Take a look at God’s word and see if there is anything there for you.

Isaiah 62: 1-4 in The Message says:

“Regarding Zion, I can't keep my mouth shut, regarding Jerusalem, I can't hold my tongue, Until her righteousness blazes down like the sun and her salvation flames up like a torch. Foreign countries will see your righteousness, and world leaders your glory. You'll get a brand-new name straight from the mouth of God. You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand, a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God. No more will anyone call you Rejected, and your country will no more be called Ruined. You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight), and your land Beulah (Married), Because God delights in you and your land will be like a wedding celebration.”

Talk about encouraging words!! I hope these bible verses will be a part of your healing after your divorce. Just know that God loves you, believes in you and is committed to helping you start over.

Divorce isn’t just the end of a marriage; it’s the beginning of a new way of life. It’s a process of being victorious, not being a victim. Finding bible verses for your healing after a divorce are crucial. God’s word is truth you can hang on to when you feel rejected, displaced or question your identity. 

You are not alone, even though you may feel lonely. You may be surrounded by people who love you and you still feel lonely. That is not uncommon at all. In fact, there are bible study groups who provide grief support to help people just like you who are coping with holiday grief or depression.

Many local churches have programs designed to help and encourage people who are suffering a loss and who are in pain. These support groups meet during the holidays to study the bible and encourage others. Two programs I have been impressed with are GriefShare and Good Grief. The courses offered are about 12 weeks long.
  
For those who are interested in bible study groups who provide grief support during the holidays but who can’t locate one of those specific programs, I would like to recommend a new internet ministry created to help people coping with grief and depression called Don’t Waste the Pain (DWTP). At  DWTP you can interact with others who can provide the grief support you need. There are articles to read, videos to watch and bible study groups to join.
  
Even though you may be struggling with loss and pain, know there are bible study groups who can provide grief support during the holidays. You don’t need to feel lonely and depressed, join a group and get the encouragement you are looking for.